It was 2am. Beast turned over in bed and groggily mumbled, “Oh, did baby boy wake up to nurse?”

Sitting up with a nursing 2 week old on my lap, I looked at my husband and tears began streaming down my face.

“No. No!” I dramatically whimpered. “He hasn’t been to sleep! He has been nursing for nearly 3 hours straight only to drift off to sleep for maybe 5 minutes at a time and then wakes up to nurse again. I’m so tired…”

“What can I do? How can I help?!” he sleepily yet earnestly replied.

“You can’t! Whahh ahh ahh. I’m the only one with the boobs! Whahh ahh ahh…”


That was one of my hardest nights with our baby boy. He cluster fed from about 11pm-3am. And at this point I had probably had no more than maybe 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep since he had been born. When you are exhausted, EVERYTHING is colored sucky. 

Although some nights were hard, we made it through. The sun came up and somehow I felt excited about a new day. I really believe that God brought joy to me in the mornings after especially tiring nights. The sun, a small cup of coffee, and holding my tiny little baby made however difficult the previous night was kind of disappear. 

As a new mom, one of the most helpful things I read was that it all gets easier.

It’s not that every night was hard or that having a newborn was constantly difficult, but there were tough moments. And they were right – it did get easier. I imagine every stage of a child’s growth and development comes with its eases and challenges. What was difficult with babybeast as a newborn is a breeze these days, and now there are new challenges, yet all worth it. 

I look back on those first few weeks and remember them with fondness even though I was chronically tired. I think I had a mild but constant headache the entire first week after Babybeast was born, but I was so mesmerized by him, it hardly bothered me. 

With all that said, here is a little highlight reel of some of the experiences I had as a brand new mom those first few weeks. Warning – some of it is quite candid…

  • Pushing a baby out is hard. So hard that I developed massive hemorrhoids. My nurse compared them to a lotus flower. Apparently I have pretty hemorrhoids. Score. 
  • Epsom salt baths – A must for healing after labor!
  • I refused to look ‘down there’ for weeks for fear that Babybeast destroyed me…he didn’t.
  • NIPPLE BUTTER. You were always by my side.
  • My body feeds my son! That is all the nourishment he needs. What a perfect design from above.
  • My body feeds my son…ouch. Nipples, toughen up – this will be the fight of your life.
  • My newborn boy kind of looks like a wrinkly old man 😂
  • This little boy is ours. I love him so much. I feel like the most blessed person in the entire world.
  • Breastfed baby’s poop doesn’t stink! And it looks like mustard….
  • Netflix. I watched so much Netflix. When Babybeast ate every 2 hours and took around 30-45 minutes to nurse each time, there was Netflix.
  • Friends and family are so wonderful – Mostly because they bring food. Just kidding, but for real, all the celebrating over our sweet little boy was lots of fun, and a new mom and dad need the support of friends and family in this new chapter of life.
  • Newborns don’t know the difference between night and day for a while. Our common 3-5am awake time was um…lovely? Did I mention Netflix?
  • Seeing your husband become a father: priceless
  • Hearing your husband pay you major respect right after giving birth to his child: That’s right sir, now get me a cookie…all the cookies I want for the rest of my life.
  • Snuggling and cuddling and watching your newborn baby grow: hard to put into words how that feels. He’s our favorite thing.
  • His first smile: Eeeeeeeeek!
  • Did I ever loose my cool? Yes. Set baby boy down. Take a deep breath. Pray. And start again, or hand off to Dad!
  • Google: you are both friend and foe. Do this and your baby will be the next Superhero. Do that and your baby will be swallowed by a whale. Click on next article and the EXACT opposite of what I just read is being preached.
  • Anxiety: I feel you in a new way as I want the very best for my son. Jesus help me learn to trust you ever more.
  • As much as I love my baby boy, God loves him even more. Will I learn to entrust his every need to our good and faithful Father? I may desire to have complete control over my son’s well-being, but that is not mine to have. This lesson is hard because it requires trust, faith, and surrender. I may have to practice this one again and again…
  • Getting outside was so refreshing in those first few weeks. I loved nursing on the porch.

He had just pooped.